Love is in the Air

Valentine's Day is on the way...and to be honest I really couldn't care less. Since I don't have a special man in my life right now I'm not necessarily looking forward to it, but by no means am I dreading it either.

Come on, lets be honest, Valentine's Day is not really all it's cracked up to be anyways. Even when I did have a boyfriend we usually spent the "special" day eating Domino's Pizza on my bedroom floor or laying around in sweats watching a basketball game together... And for me, I was perfectly okay with that. I'm much more low maintenance than I may appear, believe it or not ;)

I don't need someone telling me that I have to go out to dinner and be showered with gifts to prove that I'm loved. I would much rather be taken out or given a gift or find a hand written note somewhere out of the blue, because they actually wanted to, and they knew it would make me smile.

.....


Over the past couple years, Valentine's Day for me has become less about all the Hallmark hoopla and more about telling the important people in my life how much they matter. It isn't often that I truly express to my parents or my brother or sister or my best friends how much they really mean to me and what an impact they have had on my life.

So Valentine's Day is that one day each year when I can be as sentimental as I want and still get away with it.

I've gotten in the habit of sending each of them a little card...nothing special...99 cent sale rack will do just fine...just something that I can write to them and let them know they are loved and always will be.

Quote of the day: "A bell is no bell 'til you ring it. A song is no song 'til you sing it. And love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay - Love isn’t love 'til you give it away." ~ Sound of Music

Fun in the Sun

I'm so excited for this weekend! My pool at my apartment opens on Saturday and nothing makes me happier than that :) For the past few weeks, since the pool hasn't been open yet, when its been nice out, my roommate and I have been laying out on the top of our parking garage...gotta love city living.

No one ever parks up there on the top level so the privacy and seclusion made for a perfect tanning spot for us....or so we thought. Unfortunately the parking garage security guard, who so conveniently thought it necessary to "guard" the top level every time we were up there, where not a single car is parked mind you, really kind of made things awkward.

But oh well. You gotta love guys. Do they honestly think they're not obvious? I really wonder.

But other than hanging out poolside every hour of every day this weekend, on Monday my girlfriends and I are gonna go to Kings Dominion. Should be fun. Last year I went to Six Flags with my brother, sister, and ex. It was a good time and I heard Kings Dominion is supposed to be way better. So I'm excited. Then afterwards we'll probably come back and have a little cookout.

Sun, fun, friends, food, pool, day off work...doesn't get much better than that :)

What do you all have planned?


Quote of the day: Charlotte: "Imagine, being blind and not being able to see a beautiful day like today. Can you think of anything worse?"
Anthony: "Stonewashed jeans and a matching jacket.”
~Sex and The City

HUGE Transformation

Waaaay back when I was in college at The University of Maryland (a whole 3 years ago..lol) I used to work for the Terps football team as a recruiting assistant.

Besides doing all the menial tasks that the coaches didn't want to be bothered with, like sending out letters to the potential players, weeding through the hundreds of highlight videos we received every week, etc, etc, etc, it was also my job to tour the recruits around the school and the football facilities when they came for their official visits, sit with them and their families during the game, answer any and every question they might have about the school, and of course look cute while doing it...basically in short, make the boys want to come to UMD.

Yes, being young and blond and cute does sometimes help when your dealing with decisions being made by hormone overloaded teenage boys ;)

And since I love UMD, love sports and LOVE tall, hot, muscular athletes...it was the perfect job for me. Free clothes, tickets, fun events to attend, getting to know the players and meet super rich or soon-to-be super rich NFL people...doesn't get much better than that.

Here I am with Coach Freidgen at the annual football gala
Actually even met my (ex) boyfriend when he came for a visit and I was the one assigned to show him and his dad around. After his visit with me that day he ended up choosing to sign with UMD over Penn State, Boston College and all the other schools that were recruiting him. Coincidence? I think not. lol. He obviously liked what he saw ;) wink wink

Anyways, the point of my story is (yes there is actually a point), I've known Coach Ralph Freidgen for quite a few years now and it seems that every day that goes by he keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger. By my ex's senior year Ralph literally could barely even walk anymore and during practice would drive his golf cart around everywhere because even the simple task of putting one foot in front of the other was too hard for him to bear.

The good news though...I just found out that Ralphy is finally losing weight!! 86 lbs and counting. He started out at 401lbs and is now down to 315lbs, with an immediate goal of 301lbs. I am so proud of him! He is on a 1,000 calorie a day diet sponsored by this company called Medifast based right here in Owings Mills, MD.

I'm not a watcher of The Biggest Loser but last night one of my friends was telling me about the finale and how the winner now weighs only 117 lbs and so we looked up the before and after pics on the nbc website and I was totally shocked. I think its so crazy how we have the ability to transform our bodies and thus our whole appearance just through diet and exercise.

Hope when all is said and done Ralph will have made a similarly huge transformation.
Good luck man!


Quote of the day: "People couldn't tell I lost a pound. It was like throwing a chair off the deck of the Titanic." ~ Ralph Friedgen after losing 30 lbs

Jim Gaffigan Makes Me Smile :)

A couple years ago the ex and I were headed on a little road trip...don't remember now exactly where we were going, but I'm thinking maybe home to see my parents...irrelevant anyways. So in an attempt to help curb his A.D.D. during the "long" trip he decided to burn a CD of a comedian for us to listen to along the way.

Although his sense of humor and mine were pretty similar, at that time I never even heard the name of the dude he brought and so I was kinda extremely skeptical.

But after like 30 seconds of listening to Jim Gaffigan I was laughing so hard I was crying. That man is absolutely hilarious...by far one of my favorite comedians now. From that very second I jumped on the Jim Gaffigan bandwagon and have yet to get off.

So... while meandering around Barnes & Nobles the other day (always just meandering, never actually buying anything) I saw that Jim had come out with a new CD called "King Baby" that I never heard of. I scanned it under the little listener machine...you know, the thing with the headphones where you can listen to a snippet of each track...and I was laughing out loud in the store. People around must have definitely thought I was insane, but whatev, it was hilarious.

Tonight after work I'm driving home to my parents house for the weekend to give my momma some mothers day lovin' and I decided to download the CD so I would have something to listen to on my boring ride there.

I overheard a couple minutes of it while I was downloading it, but didn't want to completely ruin it for my trip. I can already tell it is going to be insanely funny. I can't wait.

If you've never heard of Jim Gaffigan seriously, go buy his CD or just YouTube him, you will love it. It is completely clean, no foul language, nothing obscene...just 100% funny. Just the way I like it!


Quote of the day: "You think when gym teachers were younger, they’re thinking, 'You know, I want to teach... but I don’t want to read. How about kickball for 40 years? ~ Jim Gaffigan

Back to Business

My birthday week is officially over :( How depressing!

The anticipation and excitement, abundance of gifts and desserts, and special attention that came along with my birthday has now faded and all I'm left with (other than the ten extra pounds that probably went straight to my hips thanks to one too many pieces of birthday cake) is the simple fact that...I'm 25. And that, in and of itself, really isn't all its cracked up to be.

I made a pact on my 21st birthday that that one would be my last. No more aging...21 seemed to me to be a great age to stay at eternally. But I guess my birthday didn't get the memo because every year, despite my plea, it continues to come around again. Augh!

But in all seriousness, my birthday this year was pretty fabulous. I was a little worried that my first JJ-less birthday might be a real downer, but I already successfully made it through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years without him and my birthday turned out to be no different.

Just like I predicted, he didn't call, email, text, facebook me...nothing...and although I did a good job of not letting it get me down, inside I was really hoping he would, just so I could ignore it and feel the pleasure associated with having the upper hand. But oh well. Some day.

I spent my birthday with the people who really love me and always will, no matter what...my family...and that's what really matters.

We had a great time together.

Friday afternoon the weather was nice so my mom, sister and I decided to go for a bike ride on the Allegheny Highlands Trail. We rode 7 miles up and 7 miles back and, despite my deluxe bike seat, my inner thighs are still hurting. We saw a few wild turkeys, chatted it up with some guy carrying a gun to protect himself from the bears (yes, there really are turkeys and bears there...crazy), and of course stopped along the way to take a few pictures.

Here are a some of them. I hesitated sharing these because I really don't think I've ever looked stupider, but oh well, laugh all you want :)

And other than shopping, exercising, eating (a lot), and going to church, this is how we spent the rest of weekend......On the couch watching college basketball together! My kind of weekend!


Quote of the day: "Families are the compass that guide us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter. " ~ Brad Henry

You Know What Sucks?...Change

My mom and dad got married over 30 years ago and have been happily married ever since. My dad’s first real job after finishing up his PhD was at Allegany Ballistics Laboratory and he has worked there ever since. Likewise, my moms first real job was at the local hospital (delivering little babies. awww.) and she too has worked there ever since. They’ve lived in the same house, gone to the same church, vacationed at the same place, done the same things... year in and year out.

That's us. I'm the little tike fresh out of the womb.

So I guess what I’m trying to get at, in a roundabout sort of way, as always, is…I HATE CHANGE!

My parents provided me with the most stable of upbringings, which I will forever be grateful for (thanks mom and dad!), but because of it I have the darnedest time accepting when things in my life change. And by "things" I mean ANY little thing. For goodness sakes I've cried after getting my hair cut before...and not necessarily because I hated it, just because it wasn't "the same".

Yeah, I know...I'm nuts.

Just yesterday in fact I decided to relocate from my corner office at work to one closer to the printer (which I wore the heel off quite a few pair of my favorite pumps running back and forth to so much). And just from that tiny little move I could instantaneously feel the sadness knot forming in my stomach and the symptoms of separation anxiety beginning to kick in.

Separation anxiety from changing the location of my desk space in the office? Really, what is wrong me?

Big things or little things, actually important in the larger scheme of life or not, it seems that just when I get used to the way things are, life comes along and changes it all up. The worst part is that even when I know the change is better for me, I still just hate the newness of it all.

I guess maybe that's one of the reasons why I'm having such a hard time with this breakup. Even though my head knows its better for me in the long run, the fact that my life is no longer the same as it has been for quite a few years is what is really throwing me for a loop. I'm used to my morning wake up call and my good night I love yous. I'm used to knowing (or thinking I know) what my future holds. I'm used to the whole routine of it. And then BAM...just like that I get hit with the your-life-has-changed-and-there-is-nothing-you-can-do-about-it stick!

Ughh! Anyone else despise change? Or is it just me?


Quote of the day: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Cupid is Stupid!

So today officially sucks :( It’s Valentines Day, the first Valentine’s Day I’ve been alone in 4 years...and I hate it. As much as I know its just a stupid corporate money-making holiday, it is still an ever-present reminder that I am single, and the rest of the world, as it seems, is not.

If the 14th would have fallen on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, or heck I’d even take a Sunday, it really wouldn’t have been a big deal to me. I would’ve just went about my business as normal, and conveniently let the date slip my mind. But NO, it had to be a Saturday didn’t it. Just my luck! My first Valentine’s Day alone doesn’t just get an evening devoted to it, nope, it gets an entire freakin’ day. So awesome.

Sense any anger or bitterness? Nope, not at all.

And to make matters even worse I can’t help but keep thinking about the sweet little card and cute little teddy bear that I’m sure my ex probably bought for his fabulous new girlfriend today.

Like she really deserves it.

- I was the one who went to every single one of his football games
- I was the one who was always there to encourage him when he was feeling low
- I was the one who helped him turn his life around
- I was the one who believed in him when nobody else did
- I was the one who wiped his tears when he got cut from the Giants
- I was the one who helped him out when he needed a new computer, xbox, tv…
- I was the one who put together his resume so he could get a good job
- I was the one who taped all of his games and scrapbooked all of his pictures
- I was the one who fired his agent when he wasn’t happy with him
- I was the one who spent hours upon hours helping him get rid of a virus on his computer, because I knew he didn't have the money for a technician
- I was the one who gave up my free time to help him with his homework every night so he could graduate from college
- I was the one who would surprise him with random gifts just to make him smile
- I was the one...

…and yet I’m the one sitting here by myself :(

Have I told you how much I hate Valentine's Day this year?




Quote of the day: "I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon."

Making a Difference

It's Sunday. Waahooo! Super Bowl Sunday actually. Who wouldn't be excited about that? I know I sure am. If the commercials and food aren't enough of a draw for me, the fact that the Steelers made it in this year definitely is. Let's Go Pittsburgh!

Anyways, not sure what everyone else normally does with their Sundays, but for me, straight out of the womb, mine have always been about church. Since I'm pretty new at this whole blog thing, and don't really have any patterns or traditions going yet, I decided I would start one. From now on I'm going to make my Sunday blogs a little bit different than all the rest. No, don't get worried, I'm not going to preach, but I am going to talk about things with a little bit more substance. I know what you're thinking...more substance than Jergen's lotion and itchy sweaters? Yeah, hard to imagine, but here it goes...

Today, for my first attempt at this, I got to thinking a little bit about relationships. Not necessarily just love relationships, like girlfriend and boyfriend/husband and wife (although they certainly do fall in that category), but also about the relationships we have with our friends, with our parents, or even with random people we meet on the street.

Unfortunately today we live in a very selfish society. If you look around, you will see this world is all about me, me, me. People are worried about themselves, and only themselves and really don't care who they have to step on along the way, as long as they are getting where they want to go. And since that's what this world around us is teaching us, it's very easy to get sucked into that way of thinking.

But the truth is, that mentality will never bring a person true happiness. From what I've seen, selfishness and misery go hand in hand. I believe that if you want your life to increase and if you want your life to get better, then you need to help improve somebody elses life. The people that come into our lives, don't come into it by chance. God puts them there on purpose. It is our job to encourage them, build them up, and challenge them to reach for new heights.

As most of you know, for the past few months I have been dealing with a break up from a significant relationship. I keep telling myself I'm not going talk about it anymore on here, but it's clearly not working out so well....Oh well... anyways, for the longest time I just kept asking why? why? why? Why did I have to waste 3 1/2 years of my life on something that didn't work out? Why? Why? Why?

But the more I've got to thinking about it, the more it all makes sense. It wasn't time wasted at all. It was a lesson learned...another piece in the puzzle. In this case it wasn't so much about me (although I did learn a lot too), but more about how I was to be used to have an impact on him. I encouraged him. I challenged him. I helped turn his life around. By Christian example I showed him how to treat people with love and respect and selflessness...things he'd never been shown or taught before. And hopefully I inspired him to want become a better person.

That is why.

So whether it's our friends, our boyfriends, or the cashier at the grocery store, its important for us to remember that the way we treat people can have a big impact on their lives, whether we know it or not. Not only will it help them, but in a weird way it will help you as well...Trust me...There is no greater investment in life than being a people builder.



Quote of the day: "The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit." ~ Nelson Henderson

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. ~ Matthew 7:12

Heartbreaker

Today is a pretty lousy day for me :( Feeling like I'm in a total funk. Not sure exactly why, but maybe it has to do with this annoying cough I have, me burning my forehead with my curling iron this morning, or maybe having to spend an hour digging my car out of the snow and ice before I could even leave for work.

Oh yeah, or it could be the most obvious reason...my Duke Blue Devils lost last night to Wake. So much for our #1 ranking...That sure was short lived.

As excited as I was in my blog yesterday, that's pretty much how disappointed I am today.

Wasn't a 44 point embarrassment or anything like that. Nope, complete opposite. It was a buzzer-beater. Which in my opinion is way worse. After being down by thirteen points, when everyone counted us out, we climbed all the way back and tied it up with 2 seconds left. Still shaking from Gerald Henderson's amazing shot, I was pumped that we were miraculously going to send the game into overtime. But no...like a dager in my heart, with 2.8 seconds on the clock, they threw a short inbounds pass under the basket for an easy layup. And just like that, the game was over. No overtime. No chance for us to score. Game over :( 70-68

Painful, I know. Brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it again. Then to make matters even worse, it hit me like a ton of bricks, when the game ended and I wanted to pick up the phone and share my pain with someone, I had nobody. And by nobody I mean no J. Sure I was texting with my sister and a couple other of my Duke hater guy friends, and I'm sure any one of them would have been more than willing to talk if I wanted to, but the truth is it just isn't the same. For 3 1/2 years J was the person I called. When I was happy, when I was sad, when I was scared, or when I was just lonely, whether he really wanted to talk or not, he was always there for me. And now he is not. That's a hard thing to get used to. Losing my boyfriend is one thing, but losing my best friend is a total other thing.

Don't get me wrong, do I want him back? No. Would I take him back if I had the chance? No. Is it really even him that I miss? No. But does that make my heart hurt any less? Unfortunately, no :(



Quote of the day: "You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help." ~Calvin

Letting Go

Out of the blue my cousin texted me the other day and asked me how things with J were going, and if I'd heard anything from him recently. It was at that moment, staring at the screen of my cell phone, that I had a mini revelation - No I haven't heard from him. In fact its been over a month since we've had any sort of contact. And I'm actually okay with it. Yeah you read right...I think I'm really getting over him. It's really finally happening!

When things ended back in September I was absolutely devastated. We'd been together for 3 1/2 years and never in my wildest dreams did I imagine we would ever really break up. As far as I knew we had a great relationship. Hardly ever even got into an argument. He meant the world to me. I would have done anything for that boy. He was my very best friend, the person I told all my stories and deepest darkest secrets to. The one I definitely thought I was going to marry some day.... But it didn't work out.

On Monday, September 15th he was the one who said the words. At first I didn't believe it was real. For weeks I walked around kind of in a state of shock, sure it would all just blow over eventually. I tried my hardest to be patient, doing everything I thought I could to gradually make things right again, while still giving him the space he needed to figure it out for himself. However, as things unfolded over the next couple of months and he did one horrible thing after another after another to me, the truth was finally revealed to me.

With a clear mind, no longer blinded by love, I realized he wasn't the person I thought he was, our relationship really wasn't as great as it seemed, and everything we (well really I) had worked hard to build over the years was now broken into a million tiny pieces. I guess it was at that moment that I realized and accepted that it was over for good. I decided it was time to switch my efforts from trying to get back with him, to letting him go and moving on with my life.

Now, four months later, the emotions are all still there. Yeah I still miss him. I still think about him everyday, in fact, and catch myself wondering what he's doing all the time. But a certain amount of logic is in effect now. Even if he did come back and beg for another chance, could I ever really trust him again and why would I even want to try?

There are those times that I see something or hear something that reminds me of him and I just break down in tears. There is sadness about missing his laugh and his kisses. There is anger for what he has done to me. But I'm glad to say that there is also finally happiness. I've joined a new church, reconnected with my friends, and am falling in love with myself all over again. Although at first I was rushing to fill the cold spot in my bed, now I'm just giving myself time to greive, heal and sort through all the baggage. I'm being happy in the moment. Not worrying about the past or the future, just learning how to live my life to the fullest without him. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and sometimes things really do fall apart just so that better things can fall together.



Quote of the day: "There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we think we can't live without but have to let go."